The Name Is Smith, John Smith
by TheOfficerandGentleman
Summary: After watching James Bond movies at North High, Haruhi Suzumiya alters the world. Now Kyon is a secret agent man that goes by the codename 007 but you can also call him by his other name John Smith. /KyonxHaruhi/
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer= I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya. All goes to Kyoto Animation and Nagaru Tanigawa. I gain no money from this. _

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'_**Ah Saturdays! ' **_Surprisingly he was not so melancholic today. Kyon was walking down the street. The neighbourhood perhaps mirrored your average cul-de-sac, with the home-made pies cooling down on the windows sills, the fathers relaxing on the hammocks outside and the kids running around a broken fire hydrant trying to keep cool in this heat. In this warm weather Kyon wore a light green t-shirt, beige cargo shorts and flip flop sandals. Despite the fact that it felt like Japan was in an oven that was turned on a hundred degrees, he can still somehow manage to smile.

'_**And why shouldn't I?**_ _**The sun was shining the birds were singing and the bees were doing you-know-what. Most importantly it was the most care free day of the weekend! It's time to kick up your feet, get some fresh air and read some Manga's! Today is a gift that's why they call it the present.'**_

It was then when reality sunken in, his smile turned into a frown as he stood in front of his school North High. Kyon was back to his usual self. '_**Sadly mine is anything but. You see ever since I met you know who my life has been turned upside down. Before you knew it, I was fighting a giant cricket in another dimension and repeating summer vacation with an esper, alien, time traveller and a bossy girl who subconsciously control the world, but I'm guessing you already knew all that. On today's to do list we are going to a watch a couple popular British spy movies in the West called 007 at school. I have no idea why we should watch it at school of all places but it beats having to search the town for anything out of the ordinary. **_

_**Little did I know that it's only later that it was going to turn out bad… for me that is**_.''

_**As I walked up the stairs I soon heard the most angelic voice coming from the SOS club room. Like an angel that can bring any man on his knees praising the Goddess that she is . Just kidding. It sounded much more like nails scratching on a chalkboard or a cat stepping on a hot plate. Take cover when you hear that voice.**_

"What's taking you so long_**!**_?'

He shivered. _**'Yeah that one.'**_

That voice belonged to Haruhi Suzumiya, the thorn on his side who was just standing there barking orders as usual, leaving Kyon wondering whether or not he should turn back and go back home. _**'There's no going back now. You can do this.' **_He finally reached the top of the stairs where all the commotion could have been heard.

"And hurry up Mikuru_**!**_ It's not that bad_**! **_Stop overreacting_**! **_'' Haruhi yelled. She had poor Mikuru Asahina left all alone in the hallways to push the entire huge sofa all by herself. Sweat formed on the face of the petite red headed time traveller. Despite her best effort, she could not push it any further and fell on the sofa face first moaning.

"Here let me help.'' Kyon ran and offered. The girl looked up to see her knight in shining armour.

"'Thank you Kyon-kun." With a heart-warming smile like hers, he would push Mount Everest.

''So…you finally decided to join us." His neck hair stood up when he heard her. Frightened, Kyon turned around.

In front of him stood Haruhi Suzumiya, as optimistic and energetic as ever, not to mention that she was smiling ear to ear. For the boys at the school that smile made their hearts warm. All with the exception for the one who really understand the meaning of that mischievous smirk. It means that she is up to no good. _**'Dear God what is going on in that reckless mind of hers?'**_

On the bright side, she had her hair in a ponytail. He liked that…..a _lot_.

Luckily for him she decided to let him go with just a warning. It seems very un-Haruhi of her. Regardless Kyon shrugged it off as nothing before continuing the slave labour.

"So where do you want it?" Kyon asked Haruhi once he got the couch inside the club room.

"A bit to the left." Haruhi demanded. Kyon shifted the sofa to the left _**'Easier said than done. This thing is freaking heavy.' **_He groaned as he mustered up all his strength to push the sofa against the bookcase.

"Hm….I don't like it like that way. A bit to the right Kyon." _**You have got to be kidding me.**_

'_**Anything else your Majesty?'**_ By now he knew better than to say anything back to Haruhi, even if she was being a demanding brat. Just do as she then he gets to go home tonight and Haruhi is happy. The world will also be completely unscathed. Everybody wins here!

Yuki Nagato came in with the _007_ collection box set and DVD machine in her hands. Itsuki Koizumi was the next one to enter. The esper was carrying a massive flat screen television in his arms. Although his face behind the screen you could tell that esper boy had a hard time carrying it. It looks like his knees were about to buckle and he's going to fall down, taking the television with him.

"Uh…..Suzumiya-san where do you want me to put it?" The esper asked trying his best not to let go of the heavy television.

'_**I think a better question is, where did Haruhi get the television?'**_

''Will you relax Kyon!" Haruhi said folding her arms as she looked at the worrisome Kyon. As if she knew what was through his mind when Koizumi walked through the door with the television. "We are borrowing it from the teacher's lounge."

Kyon was not sold,_** 'Do you honestly expect me to believe that? And "We"? Don't drag us down with you if you get you caught common thief.'**_

After a while the five had finally settled on the couch. Koizumi, Kyon and Mikuru were completely exhausted after setting everything up. Since she was not human Nagato had no signs of being physically tired. Meanwhile, Haruhi was searching for something. Although they were not quite sure what it was.

"Listen up everyone! We can't start the movies because someone here forgot to bring the snacks!" She said eyeing the SOS members suspiciously, especially Kyon.

'_**That someone is you Haruhi. I remember clearly you saying on Friday that you'll be getting the snacks.'**_

"Kyon." Haruhi said, _**'pointing to yours truly.'**_ "Go to the convenience store and get us some popcorn and slushies'. That's your penalty for being so late and letting us do all the hard work."

'_**She cannot be serious! I'm not going down that hill, all the way to convenience store and then all the way up the freaking hill again. It's like going through hell and back!'**_

"Hurry up Kyon_**!**_ You're wasting daylight over here!

He stood up from the couch, biting his teeth. ' **_As much as I've wanted to scream NO!, I had to remind myself who she was and what she can do if I flat out said no to her. It would mean BOOM goodbye world! And I don't want that on my conscience. Without a word I stood up and went down that freaking hill, all the way to the convenience store and paid with MY money! _Ryoko Asakura **_**if you're reading this please come back and put me out of my misery**._

_**In the interest of time and my sanity, I've finally made it back to the club room. Fortunately, everybody was waiting for me to arrive before starting the marathon. But to my demise I had to hear an earful from you know who. Of course, all I heard from Haruhi for taking so long was ''penalty, penalty, penalty**_".' Kyon sighed once again, a black cloud over him. '_**Truth be told, being in this club is a penalty.'**_

'_**It is a shame that the bossy leader is yelling at me right now; I can't help but admire her beauty. She also has fantastic bone structure. Just imagine placing gentle kisses on the cheek, her jawline, and on her neck.'**_

His eyes widened_**. Wait…What the hell is wrong with me?'**_

"Did you even hear a word that I was saying_**!?**_" The stern SOS Brigade leader asked, tapping her foot impatiently at the day dreamer. Their faces were inches apart, making Kyon break into cold sweat. With all the powers she already has, Kyon hoped that mind reading was not one of them. Haruhi gave him a suspicious look.

"_Baka_! We'll review your behaviour on Monday." She yanked the slushy from his hand, taking a sip. "You got that?''

Finally, after four hours of being shunt around, the five finally settled on the couch….again. As the trailer for other movies started, Mikuru was now the one who was being restless. Something must be bothering her because the girl would continuously trip over her own words as she tried to tell Kyon something. **'**_**So cute...' **_He thought.

"I-I-Is this a scary movie?" She asked tears already forming in her eyes. The time traveller hugged Kyon's arm, hoping that it would not be the case. Mikuru hated horror movies.

Kyon could not help but chuckle, "No only action and romance.'' _**'You can still hold me Miss Asahina. I'll protect you from any evil monocle eye masterminds'**_

He soon regretted his answer when Mikuru let go of his arm, a shy blush coming across her cheeks "Oh okay.''

'_**Damn it! Me and my stupid, stupid mouth! I should have said yes!'**_

They've watched everything in order, starting from Dr No. which was produced back in 1962. After that there were still 22 movies to go. It was night time as they neared the end of the marathon.

_**Meh. It's not bad or anything but it's certainly not my cup of tea. To each their own I guess. I prefer a plot like a normal guy that goes to school and meets a girl who can alter and shape reality to how she sees fit. One day, that very girl gets bored with her life and creates a new world where aliens, esper and time travellers exist. Together they go on a lot of adventures or should I say misadventures. Does any of this sound familiar to you?**_

Kyon studied the other SOS Brigade members as they watched. _**'Any time an intimate scene happened Miss Asahina would look away blushing as red as a tomato and in one scene she went pale when that briefcase filled with diamonds exploded in the guy's face. If you thought her reaction was bad then you should have seen it during that testicle torture scene in Casino Royale. OUCH! Yuki stared at the screen with a blank expression on her face. Koizumi just sat there with his usual smile. It's creeping me out. Haruhi was like a kid on a Christmas morning, she seems like she was fully invested in all these movies. She was even laughing at his jokes for crying out loud!**_

Laughable as it sounds Kyon could not help but feel a bit jealous towards the fictional agent. _**Hmm…It seems like this James Bond guy is the perfect type for Haruhi. Sure he's not an alien, esper or a time traveller but he's a man of action also witty, charismatic, and confident and makes women fall to their knees in awe. He can keep Haruhi interested. Not like me…**_

Kyon's eyes widened at what he just thought' _**And since when did I care if I'm Haruhi's type? Must be tired…Yeah that's it…tired.**_

He yawned. Slowly he felt himself drifting to slumber, using Mikuru's head as a pillow.

The first thing he saw when he woke up was a glittering chandelier hanging on the ceiling. _**'Okay where did Haruhi steal it from?**_' Was the first thing that ran through Kyon's mind. _**I don't remember the couch being so comfy.**_ His eyes shot open when he realised it was a queen sized bed he was sleeping on. As comfortable as the bed was, he was way too freaked on how he got there in the first place.

'_**Where the hell am I!?'**_ He frantically paced around the place. This was a 5 star hotel that would ask for an arm and a leg for just one night. The hotel had old world charm, a somewhat modern but mostly antique feeling to it, with the tiger's skin on the floor in front of a fireplace.

Kyon just happened to stand in front of a mirror then. He took a look at his new appearance. The casual clothes he wore were now replaced with a tuxedo, '_**What's the occasion?' **_he wondered. Kyon also wondered whether or not this was a closed space or a dream. His train of thoughts was disrupted by a choir outside.

_Dashing through snow_

_In a one horse open-sleigh_

_Over the fields we go, _

_Laughing all the way,_

_HA-HA-HA-HA_

'_**Christmas Carols in May? What's this bizarre world you put me in Haruhi? ' **_The moment he opened the window he was embraced with a strong wind. The wind was howling and strong enough push Kyon a few steps back. To his surprise it was snowing outside. The houses were decorated with Christmas lights that were draped over the rooftops and the front lawns with Snowmen. The children were laughing and throwing snowballs at each other on the streets. Two blocks away the Big Ben Clock tower at the Palace of Westminster could have been seen. The Bells were tolling as the clock striked at midnight.

_**Wait a minute.. Big Ben Clock tower….This is London!**_

"How the hell do I get myself in these messes?" Kyon asked as buried his face in his hand. There is only one way that he can end up in a place like this after sleeping. _**This has Haruhi's name written all over it all right. I need to find her fast or these changes might become permanent.**_

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_Opening song-Bouken Desho Desho by Hirano Aya._

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_Author's Note= It's been awhile since I wrote something on Fanfiction, so I'm quite nervous whether or not I'm still good at it. I'm especially nervous with publishing this because I never wrote something for the Haruhi Suzumiya series before today. _

_I'm eager to hear your feedback, whether it's positive or negative. Constructive criticism would also be greatly appreciated, considering the fact that this story in work and there are 2 more stories on its way. Thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next update!_

_All My Love,_

_The Officer and Gentleman_


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note=There are two references in this chapter. See if you can get em' ;)_

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_The answer is always in my heart._

The church choir turned the page to a new song. This one was titled '_Tis the season to be jolly''._ It could have been heard throughout the streets, spreading joy, love and…Oh as you may know it was anything but for our one hundred percent ordinary normal high schooler. But can you blame him considering his circumstances?

Snowflakes fell down from the grey sky. The rooftop, the overpass and The London Bridge covered deep in the white snow. One of it fell directly on the bridge of his nose, earning growl from the disgruntled Kyon.

'_**Great thanks a bunch Haruhi for always getting me into this crap. Of all the things you did this is the worst. Okay, that's a bit of a hyperbole. This is not as bad as the time you forced me to wear Miss Asahina's maid outfit and then making me sing and dance to the Hare Hare Yukai! It's up there. Next time that you have the urge to alter the world, send me off to a deserted island. Preferably with you not on it. '**_

The streets of Hereford London were empty with only one lonely soul in sight. At the other side of the street, inside a warm pub you could hear laughing. Behind the frosted class their silhouettes were dancing. Their children were all tucked in and sleeping, waiting to open their Christmas present first thing in the morning. _**From Santa Claus pfft. **_He scoffed with the crap parents tell their kids these days. Meanwhile, he was freezing his ass off outside in a place he was never before. Turning left and walking over the pedestrian crossing, Kyon finally made it to the hotel's parking lot. There was only one car there but there is no way it could have been his.

_Beep, Beep. _

'_**Wait….THAT'S MY CAR!?'**_

Kyon stood there jaw open, completely dumbfounded. In front of him was shiny maroon 1964 Aston Martin. They are not cheap and they are as rare as hen's teeth. Only 5 available worldwide and apparently that was his car or that was what the receptionist back at the hotel told him when he gave Kyon the keys. He was still in disbelieve, his arm were at the back of his head. Kyon has always been a glass half empty person but now...'_**Maybe things are not all that bad' **_He thought. Without standing any longer in the cold, Kyon hopped in the car.

Don't let the size of the car fool you as the two door car was still built for comfort. Relaxing on the beige seat, his hands on the steering wheel._**'Hm…might as well give it a spin.**_' Kyon thought, putting the key in the ignition.

* * *

_She watched from afar as he made his way to the car. As the snowflakes fall by and by he did not leave her trained eyes._

* * *

_**What? Why are you all looking at me like that? Yes I can drive .Earlier this year the Grade 10's had the opportunity to attend for their drivers licence. I failed it. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm a safety hazard on the road or anything, but hey maybe you should try and avoid driving over traffic cones while Haruhi screams in your ears.**_

_A flashback shows Kyon back at North High, driving in a small sedan. The sensei, who sat in the passenger seat, looked very impressed. Who knows? Kyon smirked, making a flawless turn. Maybe he'll pass with flying colours?_

_Like a Houdini, Haruhi Suzumiya appeared out of nowhere in the back seat, looking quite agitated. Kyon had no idea that she was there as she yelled out at the top of her lungs._

"_YOU'RE GOING TO SCREW UP!"_

_Needless to say he did._

Back to his current situation, a big storm was coming, as if it could not get any worse for him. He turned on the radio for the latest news, searching for something _anything_ actually that can lead him to Haruhi. If this was the world that she had created (or it's still the original world that is in critical condition because of her mental state.) then no doubt that she'd pick a prominent figure like a president of a country. _**'Better not jinx it.'**_

_-Change radio frequency-_

_Jingle, Jingle Bells, All the way song playing._

_-Change radio frequency-_

"…_And then came that moment when little Charlie realized that his parents had the same gift wrap as Santa Claus." A comedian said._

_(Crowd laughter)_

_-Change radio frequency-_

"_Well Tom expects a storm to head-to-fff-"_

That was pretty all he could get in this current weather condition. The rest was incomprehensible static, white noise.

_**Well so much for finding Haruhi now…. **_He punched the radio. It did not work at all, but it did help make him feel better. Kyon day. He wished that he can have one day of solitude without any weird shit happening around him

_**Is that too much to ask? I'm afraid with Haruhi it is.**_

Unbeknownst to him, a truck came directly towards Kyon. It drove well past the speed limit.

"We found the target, permission to engage?"

"_Permission granted. Make sure to bring me his head as confirmation."_

"Roger that. Good thing we have a hacksaw in the back."

"Locking Target."

"Target Locked"

"Time upon impact; 5 seconds."

"4 seconds."

"3."

"2."

"1."

_**CRASH!**_

Kyon laid inside the now upside down Aston Martin. Groaning, the first thing he felt upon regaining consciousness was warm liquid running down the side of his face. A nasty gash was on the side of his head. His head was not the only thing throbbing in pain, Kyon's right arm felt like it was ripped right out of its socket.

Using both his feet, he kicked the windshield of the car, before rolling out..

"It hurts!" The injured Kyon used his good arm as support on his wrecked Aston Martin. Luckily for him help was on the way or so he thought. The headlights of cars could have been seen through the storm. Four black unmarked cars stopped and out of it came the not so friendly type.

Six of them stood armed to the teeth in state of the art weaponry. MP9 Honey Badgers, grenades and body armour.

"It's John Smith! He's still alive! Shoot him! Shoot him!"

"What the hell is go-"Before he could finish his sentence. Bullets were flying past his shoulder each one nearly hitting him. The sound of fully automatic fire rang through his ears. The car he took cover from was now riddled with bullets. His heart stopped when he saw a hole in the petrol cap, a large puddle of fuel forming at his feet.

Kyon made a run for it. He did not go unnoticed as they watched him ran into the alleyway. The mercenaries ran after Kyon. However, what the six of them did not notice was on the other side of the Aston Martin a small fire ignited on the puddle on the ground, making its way to the fuel cap

_**KABOOM!**_

The massive impact of the explosion sends all the mercenaries flying. One of the mercenaries went straight through the floral shop window. Another merc's back hit the frozen fountain. Fortunately, he missed the sharp point by a few inches. With the medic tending to the injured, the leader ran after the agent.

"_Is it over? Is he dead?"_

With the mercenary's last strength he brought the handheld transceiver to his mouth, he coughed up a bit blood before saying; "Negative. He got away."

_Not far from the massacre, a dark sedan stopped. The driver rolled her eyes. 'Figures' She thought, not at all surprised, with what she was hearing. 'Never sent a boy to do a man's job.' Good thing she came prepared. She looked at the passenger, who just happened to be her plan b._

"_You know what to do when you find him."_

He nodded obediently before getting out of the car. It was somewhat comical on how he got out of the car. Like a clown getting out of those small cars. However there was nothing funny about him. His metallic teeth were shining under the crescent moonlight. His shadow casting over the downed hit men, Jaws had a presence that would overshadow any giant.

_**How the hell do these guys know about John Smith?! Are they time travellers?! Or rogue Data Humanoid Interfaces?! I'm screwed, so freaking screwed. **_

Kyon had no idea where he was. In the midst of the blizzard he could barely see two feet in front of him, not to mention that he's knee deep in snow. To make thing worst it felt like he sprained his ankle in the crash. Each step was painful and became progressively worse But as long as he was far away from the crash the better..

His view finally became clear. Above him the sky above had an aurora effect. With green waves in the sky that surrounded the moon. There were many folklore stories about it, many believed that this was an omen told by up a higher ups. Higher ups? Was this another one of Haruhi's doings perhaps?

A silver lining came to his bad situation. The storm finally stopped. If only it is for a limited time, because Kyon felt like this was probably the eye of the storm. _**'I would not be surprised if that's the case**_. Regardless, he needs to find shelter to hide from gun wielding grunts. All he had do to be there was go over two hills.

'_**Always with the freaking hills!'**_

The injured Kyon finally reached the nearest neighbourhood located at Crawford Street close to Baker's street. It was three blocks away from the crash. As with all the other houses, they were many Christmas decorations. They won't be able to tear down all these place houses before the cops come. Then it hit him. What was he going to tell the authority once they get here?

He managed to gain access to one of the houses through the back door, which was carelessly unlocked. Inside the place was lit up like New York's Time Square with all the brightly lit decorations.

Green and red socks that were filled with candy were placed near the fireplace. A robotic Santa Claus, which he thought was only available back at Japan stood in the corner of the living room. Small creepy porcelain dolls of Santa and his elves stood in a line . These people were definitely in the Holiday spirit.

If you think it is bad inside, you should see outside. on the lawn, there were reindeers, snowmen, and on the roof, in flickering green and red colours it said MERRY XMAS.

"_Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas!" The robot Santa said, its yellow eyes glowing._

'_**Quiet you.'**_

As he expected from them, even cookies and milk were laid out on the dining room table. He decided to help himself out since no one was going to get it or at least not the one who it was for.

_**I can't help but feel bad. How would any of you feel if some guy breaks into your house at Christmas Eve and eat some fat guy who does not even exists cookies and milk**_

Kyon stood up and made his way to the kitchen. Lady luck was at his side because he saw a first aid kit on the counter. Opening the bag, Kyon was relieved to see that it had everything he's going to need. Disinfectant for the gash on his head, pain pills, bandages. He rolled up his crimson stained shirt, seeing that a small piece of shrapnel made its way from the explosion. Not fatal or anything but he was certainly going to treat it to prevent an infection

Kyon bit his lip as he guided the sharp needle to the gaping wound. _**'This is going to hurt.'**_

A kick send the front door flying all the way to the other side of the hallway. "Knock, Knock!"

He had a heavy British accent, "John Smith!"

Nothing but the wind outside could have been heard.

"They call me Jaws! My client speaks very highly of you. You should be honored. I must say I'm a bit gobsmacked 'ere with all the things I have heard. Never thought I'd see the day that I come to face with _the_ John Smith."

"So are you going to come out or what?"

He hunched down, his gloved fingers tracing across Kyon's icy snow foot track that led all the way to kitchen, "Oi piggy. Spending donkey years in the SAS, you learn to tract your prey's movement. Just come out, gimme a challenge and I'll promise this'll be quick."

"…or if you prefer do it the hard way…" He pulled out his machete from his sheath. Kyon felt chills running down his spine as he hid under the table, hearing that sound.

He held his breath as not to give away his positions. Kyon watched as he got closer and closer until..

"I got you now little pig."

Just like that Jaws flipped the table over and picked him up. His massive fist striked Kyon. It felt like he was hit by a train, sending him flying all the way in the living room but not before Kyon went through the glass door. He tried crawling away using his good arm but the meat head took a hold of his sore ankle and threw Kyon around like he was a ragdoll.

"Wait a bloody minute…"

He kicked Kyon at the side, turning him around. They were now face to face.

"You're JOHN SMITH?!" The mercenary's demeanour changed. A bewildered look on his face, followed by fits of laughter. It all seems to be good to be true. "Mi5? Afghanistan? Where they all lies?"

Kyon spoke. "Listen…I have no idea what you're talki-OFF!"

A punch in the gut sent Kyon back on floor. It was not done there as the grunt started kicking him.

" I've-"

Kick.

"Never"

Kick.

"Been-"

Kick

"So-"

Another kick.

"-Insulted!"

Followed by another.

"There is only one way to be sure then. If you are not going to give me a challenge..."

He said, calmly placing his machete down.

"..then I'm just going to have to squeeze the…_life _out you!"

Using just one arm, the mercenary picked up a bloody and battered Kyon, slamming, his back against the wall. Jaws' hands went over his neck, chocking the life out of him.

"The Queen sends her regards."

_Slowly, he felt himself fading, his eyes closing. Kyon's life was flashing before him. An image of a mother holding a new born baby boy in an Emergency Room appeared. She knew exactly what to name him. The poor baby's aunt however had a different name. One that was way worse._

_Wow. Kyon sat back down on his chair, quite relieved that he did not screw up his introduction. He wanted to make a good first impression at North High and from the looks of it he did. The class smiled at him. _

_That was until the girl behind him said nonchalantly, "I'm Haruhi Suzumiya from East Junior High. First of I'm not interested in ordinary people, but if any of you are aliens, time travellers or espers please come see me. That is all."_

Kyon turned around to see a strange but beautiful girl. _**Was she being serious?**__ Funny thing is, Kyon also wanted aliens, espers and time travellers to exist. But you know what they say about being careful what you wish for…._

In the end what do you say to the god of death?

_**Not today!**_

_**GHING!**_

The porcelain Santa Claus shattered into a million pieces when Kyon slammed it on the cranium of the bald headed hired gun. One shot, that was all it took to send the big guy out cold.

Kyon coughed violently when the grip was loosened. He managed to get himself up into a seated position, still trying to catch his breath. One question was running through his head. Why did they want to kill John Smith so badly?

The last active mercenary heard all the commotion outside, and made a run towards the house. The first thing he realised that there was no front door. He aimed his UMP in the entrance hallway. _Clear. _He walked in to the living room, seeing an injured Kyon.

"I got you now Smith!"

In a quick reflex moment, Kyon pulled out Jaw's pistol that was in his chest holster, pulling the trigger. His intentions were to scare him away with a shot. But instead the bullet ricochet against the robot Santa's head and lodged straight into the mercenary. He was dead on the scene.

For a minute, nothing but the sound of the wind whimpering outside could have been heard.

The gun fell to the ground. His eyes widened over what had just transpired. _**I killed him! I killed a man.**_

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_Author's Note= This chapter was quite a rough one. Sorry for taking so long. Thanks for the support you have shown me through reviews and views. :D_

_So did you get the reference, I was talking about? If you did, let me know in the comment section. If not then don't let that stop you from giving your two cents. I'm eager to hear your opinion of this so far. Just go easy on me cuz I bruise easily :3 Oh and just a little heads up The Secret of Haruhi Suzumiya and Kyon and Total Eclipse of The Heart will be a week or 2 late. I'm having a lot of problems with those two. :0_

_Lastly, I would like to give a big thank you to the (almost) 500 visitors I got. Let's turn it into a 1000! You guys and girls are amazing!_

_All My Love,_

_The Officer and Gentleman_


	3. Chapter 3

There was a dead mercenary in the hallway. An unconscious Jaws laid on the presents and Kyon who was in critical condition. He found himself covered in darkness. Maybe he passed out from the blood loss or from shock of killing someone? Was this it? What going to happen to him? What is going to happen with Haruhi and the Brigade? More importantly what's going to happen to the world? Maybe it is not too late for him, he just needs to fight. Then again why bother? It was bound to end like this. She was his downfall the moment they had met.

His eyes slightly opened seeing a silhouette approaching him. _**No don't…**_ Kyon tried to crawl away from the unknown person using his good arm but he eventually lost all strength. Wait…Maybe he isn't hostile? Maybe he wanted to help? If this person wanted him to kill him he'd be dead already. The unknown person got closer. His hair style looked familiar along with his soft spoken nature. Could it be?

''Koi…zumi?"

The person chuckled, trying to lighten the situation. "I know by now you have a lot of questions Kyon. I can't explain but it will all come to you eventually."

He felt himself being picked up.

"Just try and relax for now. We'll talk again soon."

_**Wait.**_

And once again, Kyon was wrapped in the darkness. He wanted to get his hands on the esper so badly for being so secretive. Why was it so difficult to be open cards with him?

Hours had passed before his eyes opened up in an all too familiar sight. Kyon was back at the hotel. Maybe it was a dream? Or everything is a dream within a dream? It sounds as mind bending as the endless eights.

However, the fact that his arm was in a sling and his face was covered in scratches proved otherwise. This _is _real. There are really people that want to kill him and it's very likely that he has not seen the last of those mercenaries. Other than the one guy he killed of course.

The unpleasant image of what happened came back to him, killing that guy made his stomach turn. Kyon covered his mouth with his hand as he made a ran for it to the bathroom, throwing up. Why him? Why John Smith? Why did those guys go through so much trouble? Surely, it has nothing to do with the fact that Haruhi Suzumiya was interested in him, right?

There was a sound of phone ringing as he left the bathroom. _**Strange.**_ There was no phone. The only thing on the table was an expensive silver watch with a sticky note next to it that said _"Put it on- K" __**Please let it be Koizumi.**_

He did as told, putting the watch on his wrist. The ringing immediately stopped. _**What the…**_Kyon started panicking as he felt a needle stabbing him in the pulse. _**Son of a – **_

"_Reading DNA sample…" A woman's voice said. "Welcome 007 Smith, John."_

_The television in the room went on and with it, a very familiar face appeared._

"_Oh hello." _ The esper said with his usual friendly tone. He was sitting behind a desk, dressed in a suit. "_How are we feeling today?"_

"KOIZUMI!" Kyon gritted his teeth. The esper's smile quickly faded away. Kyon looked absolutely furious, so furious that if he could, Kyon would pull him through the television and smack him. He had to calm him down.

"_Oh right."_ Itsuki said nervously as he scratched the back of his head. _"I guess I have some explaining to do."_

Kyon calmed down, sitting on the arm chair. "Yes, you do. You can start off by telling me what the hell is going on, Koizumi?!"

"_Let me start from the beginning; I got tired early in the marathon and decided to rest my eyes. When I came to my senses, I was here in London. Luckily, I still had contact with the organisation to ask what is going on and well, it is not good news. There are some irregularities. Everything is completely unstable inside closed space. It is so bad that the espers had to evacuate. All I know is we are in a completely different time loop in the same world. Just with Suzumiya san's touches added to it. That being said there is another possibility…that we are maybe sucked within Miss Suzumiya's mind as a story plays out."_

_**That sounds terrifying. **_Kyon thought about it. In a world where so many mysterious things happened. It certainly does not sound so far-fetched. Anything can happen.

_**She's been watching way too many of that damn spy movies and her imagination is going crazy. It happened before. **_

There was only one way to fix this, Kyon had to find the cause of these changes. "We need to find Haruhi."

"_Way ahead of you Kyon, I already found her address. However, you should rest and enjoy Christmas. Think of it this way, you'll be experiencing this holiday two times this year! If the time loop returns to normal you'll be back the month it last was which was May. You can meet her first thing in the morning.''_

"No." He declined. Kyon slowly and in pain stood up from the sofa and walked up to the wardrobe. "The sooner we find Haruhi, the sooner we get out of this hellhole she made."

The esper was biting his lip, contemplating. He was very worried of his friend well-being, but eventually gave in. One thing that Haruhi and Kyon had so in common was how hard headed both of them can be. The former however still takes the cake.

"_All right, then but…"_

Kyon looked at the screen "but…?"

The esper continued, _"Finding Miss Suzumiya is just the beginning, I'm afraid. It might get even more difficult for us as we don't have the script, and the only one is in her head. Could you just imagine that happening to actors! They at least know what to expect. We on the other hand… If we don't play our roles accordingly as she wants it then who knows what could happen. Our lives depend on it Kyon."_

'_**Isn't that always the case?'**_

"_But hey!" _Koizumi said, looking on the bright side. _"Suzumiya-san must think very highly of you to give you the role of James Bond. She is attracted to the guy. Truth be told I'm kind of jealous.''_

_**I never asked for this!**_

"_I called the agency. They already organised for transport. The driver will take you to Miss Suzumiya. You can call me anytime using the watch Kyon. Oh and one more thing…."_ The esper smiled and gave a wink. _"Chin up John."_

The television went off.

_**Easy for you to say.**_

There was a lot of struggling to get dressed, due to his injured arm. Kyon had to first remove the arm sling, then get that arm through the blue long sleeve and then he had to button up his shirt. Kyon decided to leave the tie and grabbed a long winter coat, going through the same painful progress with the coat before putting the arm sling on again. It took him awhile to get finished. With the crazy accident happening less than 12 hours, Kyon was dressed up and ready to go outside. Kyon stopped at the entrance, seeing a gold object on the table, definitely something of interest for him. As with the watch, a note was attached to it. ''Only_ use during emergencies-K'' _The notesaid_._

_**Is this another one of your toys Koizumi?**_

He picked up the golden ring; it had the word 'AGENCY' written on the top. Kyon put it on his right hand, third finger. _**'I guess that make me one of their stooges. Not much of choice now, do I?'**_

* * *

A big guy wearing a top hat stood at the entrance of the 5 star hotel. His hands were inside his pockets as he shivered in the cold. Immediately, the guy noticed who his client was when he walked out of the lobby.

"Merry Christmas mate." The driver of the taxi cab said, opening the door for Kyon.

It was colder than it last was. Fortunately for Kyon the car's heater was on.

"So John Smith, Koizumi called and told me to take you to the Suzumiya residence. Are there any other stops I am not aware of?"

Kyon leaned back, putting his safety belt on. "No that is it."

While driving past Victorian Park, the driver kept on looking at his rear view mirror to look at his passenger. Kyon caught him looking. Needless to say he looked like he was hit by a train. Kyon was certainly not into a talkative mood about it right now.

That, however, did not stop the driver's curiosity getting the better of him. "If you don't mind me asking mate, who the bloody hell did this to you?"

_**Trust me, I wish I knew.**_ Everything happened so fast that he never had time to sit down and think who would actually kill him, whether it is Kyon they wanted dead, John Smith they wanted dead or both as a matter of fact. They have a bull's-eye on their back just for being associated with the enigmatic Haruhi Suzumiya. It also does not help that she is interested in him. Back to the question that was given to him, he did not want to straight out lie to the driver, but then again, he did not have half the truth and giving an answer involving phenomenon's like time travelling and aliens would make him look well…crazy.

"I guess you can say I was in the wrong neighbourhood." Kyon said staring at the window, the snow gently hitting the glass. _**Or that people trying to kill me has become the norm.**_

The driver was outraged. "Bloody chavs they are! I promise you that not everyone's like it in England. Trust me. Once you and Koizumi are done, we'll share a six pack of bud light at a pub. It'll be on me."

A small smile appeared on Kyon's face. He should probably take him up on that offer. Although, if he is not mistaken, the legal age to drink in the UK is actually 21, which is perhaps for the best. Last thing, he wants is to drink him to death. Who know what would happen to the world and everyone on it if he dies of alcohol poisoning. _**Mom, my little sister,**_ _**Haruhi, Koizumi, Miss Asahina, Nagato, Taniguchi Tsuruya. Kunikida. The list just goes on…and on.**_

Still he could not help but wonder why she would give him _this_ role.

_**Why me Haruhi? You had so many other people to choose from. Why not take someone that was originally the character like Sean Connery? I am sure that he knows what to do in these situations. Alas you are completely unpredictable. I know the future Miss Asahina told me that I was going to look back to this in rose tinted glasses but somehow I doubt that.**_

…It was quiet at least for a while. There was quite a commutation just around the corner.

"Sorry Mr Smith. There is a bit of a traffic jam, no biggie. I know a shortcut." He took a left. Kyon took a last glance at the traffic. There were barriers. There were media vans everywhere. NNC (New News Coverage) who's a very big media was covering a new story. The camera was aimed towards a beautiful news reporter. Behind her there were people that tried to get a wrecked Aston Martin off the road. Interestingly it was at Baker's Street.

_**Sucks to be them. **_

And so Kyon had used the quiet moment trying to figure out on what to do once he finds Haruhi. Just do what he did back when the two of them were alone inside closed space? This is inside Haruhi's mind?_** That's what Koizumi said, then again he's been wrong before…**_Thought technically that must mean he's really not here so to speak? He must still be sleeping along with the others back at the club? Kyon sighed, _** I don't know what believe anymore. It is hard to keep up with everything.**_ Regardless, of where it was. One thing was certain, she was the puppeteer and all of them were her puppets.

The cab drove by the familiar and popular landmarks, such as a very big spinning wheel known as the London Eye and Buckingham Palace, where all the royal hospitality is. Since he was probably going to be here for a while, Kyon might familiarise himself with the sights.

Eventually the car stopped. The driver looked over his shoulder, tipping his hat.

"Here we are. Good luck Smith and God save the queen."

Kyon stepped out of the car, seeing a Victorian designed mansion that he thought that he would only see on something like on a postcard and not in person.

"Hey, are you sure this is the right-"

He turned around.

The taxi was gone.

"….place."

Kyon faced the place once again, as he looked on with a bewildered face. The place feels like it has a long history and was here for centuries. The wind blew a few strands of his brown hair back, "Here goes nothing."

The place was astronomically huge. Pushing the huge front gate open, Kyon, in a crippled fashion walked towards the front door which was at the very least 100 yards away. A golden name plate was next to the door. It was written in Japanese. 涼宮ハルヒ ( Suzumiya) This was definitely the right place. Kyon knocked on the door hoping that _she _would be the one to answer and that he'd get to see _her_ face again. Instead an ancient looking old man slightly opened the door to see who was knocking.

"Oh dear.."

With a slight budge, the butler opened the door enough for Kyon to fit through.

"My Apologies. I did not expect you to come today."

The butler closed the door behind him, "The weather lady told us that we can expect quite the storm but I see that did not stop you from coming here and a day earlier none the less."

The butler continued on, "I know it is very difficult to find a replacement this time of the year and the last one ….just ran away."

_**Only Haruhi can scare someone off that badly. **_

"Glad to finally make your acquaintance. Mr Smith. Isn't it?"

"Yes Smith." Kyon said shaking his hand. "John Smith."

"I'm Alfred but people call me Alfie."

He chuckled half-heartedly as he joked "I apologise to you in advance if I forget your name Mister Smith. Age has just been recently getting to me."

"Would you like some tea and biscuits? Miss Suzumiya is not here yet unfortunately.''

Kyon shrugged, "I guess so..."

Their footsteps echoed throughout the manor. It felt weird for Kyon not to take his shoes off in a house since he'd always do so back in Japan. The butler was in front, leading the way, with the guest Kyon a few feet away, his eyes fixed on the ceiling jaw wide open in amazement. A beautifully painted mural kept his eyes glued to it, stopping to have a better look.

"I've served the Suzumiya's for generations and I too still am amazed by it.''

"Yeah no kidding…."

"With or without sugar?"

"With is fine." He replied. The butler complied, putting a small sugar cube into the warm steaming cup of tea, before handing it over to him.

"Thanks." Kyon said, when the butler turned his back Kyon took a small sip of the tea to make sure that it is not poison before taking a drink of it. Kyon was shocked. He's kind of a tea connoisseur and this was perhaps the second best tea he ever had. Right after Miss Asahina's lovely tea of course. Nothing can ever beat hers.

The living room they were at had mostly antique furniture. Kyon sat in front of window where the curtains were slightly opened. The back of the manor was like endless golf course. In fact it even had a golf course and more to it! At the far north of the manor there were horse stables. They even had one of those hilarious hedge mazes that would make anyone feel they are trapped in a Pac man arcade game. Money was definitely not a problem here.

_**Hmm…**_Kyon took another drink of the tea, sitting back and for a rare moment just relaxing. Watching the snow falling down gave him some solitude. Kyon wondered what kind of jobs her parents had and how they handled their daughter Haruhi Suzumiya of all people. To his surprise, she hardly mentions them. Kyon figured that he might find out soon. Now he would finally get that chance to meet them.

"This is place is amazing. So I take it Haruhi's parents must be big time politicians?" Kyon asked.

A long silence was in the room. "Mister Smith… What you are looking at is what Haruhi has inherited. Her parents died in a car accident five years ago…. It took quite a toll on her."

An awkward silence filled the room. _**'Crap.'**_

"It's fine Mister Smith. You were not aware. "The butler assured. "Whether Suzumiya likes it or not, I promised her parents that if something ever happened to them that I'd get her through college and that's a promise I intend to keep.''

"She can be quite troublesome however. " Alfred whispered to Kyon.

Kyon smiled. _**Tell me about it.**_

"Speaking of the lady" Alfred pulled out his pocket watch. "I am also the assigned driver for Miss Suzumiya and I am running quite late. You are more than welcome to join me to the limousine Mister Smith."

"Yes quite." The butler said opening the front doors.

"Koizumi run a background check on the butler" Kyon whispered in his watch. "Make sure his entire story checks out."

"_I'll see what I can do Kyon."_

It's difficult for him to just sit back and relax. The butler could not have said it any better Haruhi was indeed troublesome.

"Hey hold up!" Kyon screamed. The guy can sure walk fast for his old age.

* * *

_Author's Note= Hello! Thank you for talking your time to read this. It makes me very happy. That alone just makes my day! I really wish that I could update more for you guys but it is really difficult to do so. English is not my home language. As usual, leave a comment and subscribe. Oh and leave a like on my facebook page. On there I can tell you how longer until the next chapter. Again, thanks for readingl! I'll see you in the next update!_

_All My Love,_

_The Officer and Gentleman _


	4. Chapter 4

"_Uh...Kyon? You there?"_

He had a hard time hearing the esper on his watch as he was too busy relaxing on the comfy backseat of the limo that would take him to Haruhi. His entire body was still sore from the accident.

"Yeah, I'm here" Kyon said with a yawn, having a hard time keeping his eyes open. "What is it?"

"_It is about Miss Suzumiya."_ Koizumi said with an audible nervous laughter in the background. _"I have not been 100% honest with you."_

Kyon was slightly worried now. _**Honest about what? **_He wondered. He hoped that getting into this car was not a trap and most importantly, Kyon hoped that Koizumi was not a villain in this. Seeing the esper with a monocle eye and with Shamisen on his lap as he apologises each time he tries to stop him. "I'm sorry Kyon. I am afraid I can't allow you to do that."

Hopefully that is not the case. _**Please let that not be the case**_.

And fortunately for both of them, it was not it. Koizumi had a hard time putting it to words whatever it was he was trying to say. He decided not to waste his breath since the snarky sarcastic narrator would not believe him anyways.

"_It's hard to explain."_ Koizumi said and added. _"It is something that you need to see with your own eyes. We'll talk back at the manor. See you then."_

_**My life isn't it at danger, is it? Then again when isn't it?**_

_**Oh well whatever it is I highly doubt that it is serious. Koizumi and his band of esper boys tend to take everything regarding Haruhi as serious. It can be the most silliest trivial of things they blow out of proportion, like her indecisiveness' on what to wear or just being slightly bored. Then again they see Haruhi as a god. Hopefully Haruhi never finds out about this. Last thing she needs is for someone to feed that ego of hers.**_

"Mr Smith!" The butler Alfred called. The driver's dark tinted window slowly opened. The old man was wearing a chauffeur hat. He had a concerned look on his face. "I take your still a bit jet lagged flying all the way from Japan. Do you want me to turn back?"

Kyon quickly assured him that he'd be fine. In fact, and Kyon can't believe he would say this, but he would feel much better once he finds Haruhi.

A few minutes later, the limousine stopped at Waterloo Train Station. There was only one platform there and the sound of the afternoon train happened to be right then. _**Moment of truth.**_

So, Kyon stared anxiously and waited in anticipation as the train came to a halt. All the doors opened in unison. The guy that usually checks people's tickets waved at them and proceeded to beckoned someone from the second cart, though Kyon did not see anyone through the window. It looked like the train conductor was going crazy and talking to himself.

That was until he finally saw _her_.

Haruhi Suzumiya got out of the train!

The thing is however.

It's not the Haruhi he was looking for, if that by any chance made sense, which it did not for Kyon. He was completely freaked out, near to an anxiety attack as Haruhi got closer.

_**No.**_

_**No.**_

_**No!**_

She opened the limo's door. Kyon was in disbelieving in what he saw even when it was right in front of him._** 'It can't be**_

"Hello Mister! My name is Hawuhi and I'm six years old." Haruhi said. She was wearing a pink winter coat, gloves and panda bear earmuffs. She immediately noticed his arm was in a sling and his face had a few scratches.

"What happened to you Mister?" She asked as she closed the car door.

"…." Kyon looked like a he saw a ghost.

"Were you fighting an evil crime syndicate?"

"…"

"What about evil time twallers?"

"….."

She giggled. "You're funny!"

The driver smiled. "Merry Christmas Miss Suzumiya! This is John Smith; he's the replacement for the other caretaker."

The 6 year old Haruhi was disappointed, "Aw, why did she have to go? I like her."

"Uh..." The butler tried to create a plausible excuse as not to hurt her feelings. "She had to go back to Scotland. Her sister is very sick and can't take care of herself. Yeah that's it."

She looked down, saddened by the news. "Oh. Okay."

Suddenly, she looked at Kyon "Hi Jawn! My name is Hawuhi and I'm six years old."

_**Yeah, you already said that.**_

"Hi Haruhi."

_**Was it possible that she not only has the ability to alter reality but also her own appearance? Like some crazy shape shifter and if that is the case why?**_

_**Hopefully Koizumi has answers.**_

_**No, he better have it.**_

When things could not get any weirder, it did. The limousine reached Euston Road, Kyon saw it. A restaurant that looked familiar to the one that the SOS Brigade usually goes to in the weekends. There was a yellow M sign.

"A McDonalds?"

Back at Japan, it was known as WicDonalds. Surely it's not that much of a difference other than a name. Still he could not help but wonder why they would change the name.

Alfred made a sharp turn. Kyon grabbed a hold on the seat. He was still new here, heck barely half a day here in London and even he knew that the old man was heading the wrong direction.

"Hey!" Kyon said, trying to get Alfred's attention. "The manor is that way you know?"

"Not yet Mr Smith we still have two more places to go to."

Kyon's eyes widened, _**'Two more?'**_

He had a feeling that the shock was not over, far from it.

This time the limousine stopped in front of a home where a sign was written on the front lawn for Hikoboshi and Orihime. A group of kids stood and looked at it. One figure stood out in the crowd. She stood out like a sore thumb for wearing that yellow headband. He immediately knew who that was.

_**Wait….that's the 13 year old version of Haruhi. Last time I met her was Tanabata .Seriously, what the hell is going on here.**_

"You're late."

"Sorry Miss Suzumiya, but-"

"No buts, you're late end of story. Geez, I can't believe how incompetent you are."

He looked down, "Yes."

Her attention now went to Kyon, her next victim. " Who the hell is this?"

"That's John Smith he's the new caretaker."

"You expect me to believe that? Come on I was not born yesterday. At least give out a more believable alias. I mean _John Smith,_ really?"

_**Damnit! She's suspecting that I am using an alias. How much longer until she can prove that my real name is not John Smith. She is going to jeopardise everything. I'll be trapped in this time loop and there will be no way to get out of it.**_

"Hey!" The 6 year old version of Haruhi stood up for Kyon. "Leave Jawn alone, you're being rude!"

"Most Indubitably Miss Suzumiya," Alfred said, giving his two cents. "You're being quite harsh on the poor lad. With his injuries and at this time of the year, he should not even be here.''

The 13 year old version of Haruhi looked at her younger version, and then turned to look at Alfred. She was shocked to say the least. She cannot believe what had just happen. Neither did Kyon. _**Wow. **_He thought. _** Haruhi standing up against Haruhi? Who would've thought…?**_

"Whatever." She said angrily crossing her arms. She gave Kyon a death glare.

"So tell me John Smith." The 13 year old Haruhi crossed her arms and said in her usually annoyed tone. "Have you by any chance encountered aliens, espers or time travellers?"

"Yes to all three actually." Kyon said blatantly.

"Please do tell." Haruhi said, more curious to someone that she has ever been.

And so Kyon told the two Haruhis of his based on a real story experience. The craziest year of his school career if not life. Obviously, he had to tweak it here and there. Change the name Kyon to John Smith and Haruhi to some else and the others as well to avoid suspicion. It did not change the fact however that this had really happened. Especially the Mikuru eye bean!

Yuki Nagato told him that Haruhi Suzumiya would not believe a word coming out of his mouth, even if this was the truth, so why did he even bother.

"True story. " Kyon added.

"What an idiot."

They stopped at Kingsman High. School for the Intellectual Gifted. They worked even during holidays(although it is only half day for them) Obviously, the people there were snooty and pretentious. Kyon had a hard time believing that even Haruhi would fit in a place like this. Though, there she was, the 17 year old of Haruhi was among them wearing the same Kouyou Academy uniform .

He couldn't be helped but be mesmerised by her beauty as she walked to the limo. His cheeks glowing red since when did she make him feel this way?

Did she recognise him?

"Don't bother sis. He's an ordinary human."

She immediately returned to her normal self upon hearing that. "Oh he's one of those."

_**Only with Haruhi is the word ordinary frowned upon. **_

_**Hopefully this was the last stop. Just imagine there being an army of Haruhis. Haruhi-ism. **_He shivered at the thought. On the way home the 17 year old Haruhi looked at Kyon. Then again her sister could be wrong about him. Those injuries did not appear out of nowhere and he did seem mysterious.

"What's your name and how did you get those injuries!?"

A playful smirk crossed Kyon's, which of course earned him a death glare from the 17 year old Haruhi. "You know for someone that is deemed as an ordinary human, you sure are interested to know more about me."

"Just answer the damn question!''

"The name is Smith, John Smith"

"And this comes with my line of work." Kyon answered vaguely, which of course angered Haruhi a massive degree.

"And what might that work be? Mr John Smith, if that is your real name."

_**It's keeping you on a leash.**_

_**The question now is how did this happen? Why are there not one, not two but three Haruhis in this world? Could it be the somehow be involved with the time loops configuration? Some major glitch somewhere perhaps? That would make sense.**_

_**Partially.**_

They were now finally at the manor. Everyone got out of the car. Kyon did it in the slowest and most unenergetic way possible.

_**I finally found Haruhi , but Koizumi was right. This was just the beginning, and I am left with more questions than answers.**_

"'ZUMI!" The girl squealed of joy as she hugged the esper.

Koizumi returned the hug. "Well afternoon little Miss Suzumiya. How are you today?"

"Great especially since I met Jawn."

"Is that so?" He asked. Itsuki saw Kyon making his way up the stairs.

"I need to talk to John. Why don't the three of you head on in? I made some hot chocolate."

"With cream and sprinkles on top?!"

"Yip, just as you like it." The esper smiled.

The three Haruhis went inside, finally leaving the two alone in the snowy blistering cold so they could discuss this clusterfuck.

"Hey." Kyon said

"It is good to see you Kyon." Koizumi said.

"It's crazy what's going on."

"Like I said, you had to see it to believe it." The esper said.

"Still can't, even when it was right in front of me" Kyon said shook his head. "I thought that I needed a pair of glasses at first. Do you know what happened?"

"Other than crackpot theories and speculations, not much I'm afraid. I'm going to have to observe each Miss Suzumiyas behaviour individually. Maybe that will give us some answers."

"Listen I know I don't say it much," _**more like not at all. **_Kyon said, looking down. "but thanks for saving me last night."

Koizumi blinked twice. A shocked expression on his face, however, it quickly turned into a smile behind his scarf. "Don't mention it. I am sure that one day you'll return the favour."

"So what is our next step?" Kyon asked.

"I am glad you asked. As a matter of fact there is something big happening soon."

_**Something big huh? I don't like the sound of that. **_

Koizumi continued. "But first things first, we eat. I don't know about you but I'm absolutely starving over here. "

The two went inside the manor, when even then it was almost no difference than the outside. It was sill absolutely cold. _**Hopefully there's a heater or fireplace somewhere around here.**_

Though most of the Suzumiyas manor's design was completely based off Victorian era , the dining room interior was Japanese. A small table and cushions to sit on, they even had you remove shoes before entering

Kyon smiled. It was good to have a part of home even though it was so far away.

"Jawn, Jawn over here!" The 6 year old Haruhi screamed at him to sit next to her. Just so she can keep quiet he did so, a bored expression on his face.

The thirteen year old Haruhi was the next to enter. She looked for a place to sit.

"Just don't get the wrong idea _baka_!'' Haruhi said as she sat next to Kyon. "I'm only sitting here because it's the only seat available. It's not that I think you are interesting or anything."

Kyon could not care less. "Yeah, whatever."

He looked around. _**Actually there two empty seats next to Koizumi and one at the table end.**_

Koizumi and Kyon continued the conversation from earlier, which had to do on why Haruhi chose him as James Bond.

"Come on you know exactly why?'' Koizumi said with a beaming smile.

It is not because he was playing dumb. He honestly _really _did not know why? Add that to all the other crap he knows even less off and it'd be enough to drive any man insane.

Kyon, on the other hand, and despite contrary belief, was no ordinary person. He took a sip of his hot chocolate. Opening one eye, Kyon saw that the esper was still looking at him and smiling.

"No, I don't. Can you just come out and say it already." Kyon said with a hint of annoyance.

_**Enlighten me with your know it all-ism.**_

Koizumi's smile had disappeared. Now he was being serious. "For her, _The World Is Not Enough_, she wants that special someone. That special someone….. well is you."

Kyon could not help but roll his eyes. _**Yeah right**_

"I know you find that hard to believe with the way she's been treating you. It is just hard for her to express herself in a way that won't hurt her pride. Sure, I'll admit she has her flaws. Yes, she can be a bit self-centred at times but if you look beyond that, you'd see someone with a big heart, someone that wants to see you smile too. I mean, why go through so much length? Why decide to go to North High after meeting John Smith? Why repeat something over more 15 499 times to be exact just too spend more time with you? Why be the only person with her in closed space?"

"I'll tell you why."

Koizumi answered it.

"It is because she in love with you."

Kyon sat there. _**Wait. Wait… love? She is in love with…. me?**_

The thirteen year old Haruhi acted as if she wanted to throw up. "Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick."

The six year old Haruhi sighed dreamily, "That is so romantic! Do you love her too Jawn?"

Kyon was unsure. It completely caught him unexpected. Though he would not say it is love, more along the line that he is suffering from Stockholm syndrome. Darn it, just thinking of it is giving him a headache.

Though, Koizumi was right. The time that he 'hit his head' and was out for three days who was at his side? Haruhi. The thing is she never left his side then. Suddenly, he felt butterflies in his stomach. It honestly be happening with him.

The 17 year old Haruhi made her entrance sitting next to Koizumi.

A sudden idea popped in the espers head. _If he is still so uncertain of his feeling towards Miss Suzumiya then maybe this would make it clear._ Koizumi thought. Kyon noticed that he was up to something.

"So" Koizumi cleared his thought as he wanted to start up a conversation with the 17 year old version of Haruhi. Suddenly, His eyes were sparkling that would make any girl go weak. "I was wondering if you would like to go out with me?"

"Sure." She said without any hesitation. Suddenly, Kyon felt slightly taken back for some unknown reason. Something… could it be jealousy? Nonsense. It's what he wanted in the first place.

"Actually I just asked you out because I wanted to see John's reaction over there."

"Is that so?" The 17 year old Haruhi gave Koizumi a menacing glance and then directed it towards Kyon. "In that case, we're through!"

_**I believe that is a new record. The shortest someone has ever dated Haruhi was 5 minutes. This one was barely half a minute.**_

"Hmph." She stood up when she finished her starter and went to the door.

"Oh Miss Suzumiya," Alfred called. "I recommend you stay, the main course is almost ready!"

"Send it to my room!" The 17 year old Haruhi replied, opening the slide door. She said one more thing before leaving, eyeing Kyon most specifically. "I have no interest in dining with ordinary humans."

The butler quickly wiped his mouth off with serviette "Oh dear, I apologise to you all on her behalf."

Kyon looked at Koizumi. _**Gee I wonder who upset her? Thanks a lot Professor Brian- iac **_

"It is okay Jawn." The 6 year old Haruhi told Kyon. "I think you're cool."

It was quiet around the table before Alfred told them a story he must have told a thousand times for the two younger Haruhis. Kyon and Koizumi listened to what he had to say, or at least the esper did. Kyon was pre occupied with a heavenly smell coming out of the kitchen and the sound of footsteps coming closer.

"Food...is ready." She said shyly.

It was the time traveller Mikuru Asahina.

_**Miss Asahina!**_

_**Oh Miss Asahina**_. Kyon thought as he watched the beautiful time traveller hand out empty plates for everyone. Though he was sore from head to toe, Kyon wanted ran up to her and give her a bone crunching bear hug. Oh the idea of never seeing that face again was too much to bear. He stopped himself from doing so, because they were not supposed to know each other and last thing that he wanted to do was raise suspicion more than he already had.

_**Damn you cruel cruel fate.**_

"Well I never!" The butler said, "Miss Suzumiya apologise this instant."

"As if!"

In the midst of an argument, Mikuru used it to her advantage to finally talk to Kyon. She gave him his plate and touched his shoulder, her breath in his ear as she whispered, "I'm glad to see that you're alive Kyon-kun. I was really worried. I hope you get better soon."

He felt so flustered hearing those words. _**'Oh Miss Asahina. That's so thoughtful of you. I already feel so much better knowing that you are around.'**_

The thirteen year old Haruhi noticed the way he was looking at the time traveller. "Pervert! Don't even think about. She's out of your league."

'_**Why you little…'**_

A hotplate was placed on the centre of the table. The smaller bowls had tempura (Fried seafood), and much much more. They wasted no time eating.

"Gah! I ate too much!" Haruhi groaned.

Kyon looked at his watch. Obviously, it's not a normal one as he was able to communicate with the esper using it. However, he wondered if all those abilities in the movies such as shooting out lasers or detonating explosives were carried on to this one, or better yet a hidden piece of a death note inside would be pretty cool.

On the side of the watch was a red button. Kyon's curiosity got the better of him. He pressed it.

_Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep_. A red light appeared on his watch.

"Uh, Koizumi what did I just do?"

"Oh _that_." Koizumi ate the last fried prawn. "You turned the watch into a hyper intensified magnetic field."

Suddenly, all the steak knives on the table turned towards Kyon.

_**Oh crap.**_

* * *

"Next time, you tell me everything!"

Koizumi could only laugh out of sheer embarrassment. Luckily all those knives missed Kyon by the hair.

"Where are we going now?"

"Someplace discreet." The esper answered.

The esper opened the door for Kyon. He was amazed the moment he stepped inside the library of the manor. There were literally millions of books, so much that you needed a ladder to get to the highest part of the bookcase; and that was only the first floor! There was stairs that led to the second floor of the library. Kyon could not help but smile at the thought of Nagato seeing all these books.

"Allow me." Koizumi said. He went right to the first bookcase he saw, pulling out a book. Suddenly, a creaking sound was heard. It was actually secret pathway. Behind the bookcase, there was a spiral stairway. There was a sound of a waterfall close by and bats flying over their heads.

"Uh...Koizumi? I don't recall James Bond having a bat cave."

He turned around to face Kyon. "Well since the cat is out of the bag, I have some explaining to do. Miss Suzumiya has been recently interested in Western Culture hence why we were watching James Bond. However, she was most particularly interested in the super heroes over there especially Batman. She requested immediately that I get the movies, video games and comics for her online using a credit card."

_**Where did she get a credit card for that?**_

Its best of that he did not know

Yuki Nagato turned around. She was still wearing her North High uniform

He smiled at her. "It's good to see you Nagato."

She looked at him, not even a sign of smiling. Yuki adjusted her glasses. "Likewise."

Her attention went back to the massive screen in front of her. The girl's fingers hammering the buttons with great speed.

Kyon and Koizumi looked at what she was doing. Over a thousand tabs were on screen. All of them were of surveillance cameras all over London. It looks like the alien managed to hack into the police database, not at all surprising considering her powers.

"Hold on." Kyon said. Yuki put one of the recorded footage on full screen. A big monster truck pushed an Aston Martin off the road. It rolled six times before eventually landing on its back, seeing it made Kyon wince in pain. The injuries he got were minimal to what could have been…

In the end he was still here. He gets to live to _Die Another Day_.

Kyon pointed to the screen. "The police saw this and they did not even bother helping me."

Koizumi explained. "Kyon, it was Christmas Eve, Most of the police officers were at their homes. Those who were working the graveyard shift were minimal at best."

Kyon was not completely convinced. _**'That or someone has friends at the right places.'**_

The rest of the footage was spent fast forward through. Not much happened after the explosion. Most of them soldiers were knocked unconscious. The only one left, was the guy that he killed .He was maybe a few years older than him. In his early twenties perhaps.

They looked at the footage from a few blocks away, where a car stopped and someone big got out. The sedan wasted no time high tailing it away. It all happened way to quick. All in a blink of an eye.

"Wait!" Kyon screamed.

Yuki paused it.

"Go back."

Slowly, everything re winded. The small sedan drove backwards and the big guy who got out of the car climbed back in.

"Miss Nagato, can you zoom in on them?"

She clicked and dragged on the car's windshield, zooming it in by 100X. The image was a bit blurry at first but cleared after a while. They were finally able to see the two in the car.

But they were only able to identify one of them.

"Jaws..." Kyon said.

"_The Queen sends her regards." _Those chilling words…

How can someone forget such a face, a terrifying one at that, but what really stuck out were those teeth of his. _**Did he get those from some blacksmith?**_

Now the driver, whoever it was, was a complete mystery to them. Her long blue hair covered her face. Kyon had his suspicion on who it might be…Even though they were not able to identify her, there was something on her coat.

"Hmm…That symbol" _I've seen it before, but where..._Koizumi said as he touched his chin. _No. It can't be him. He can't be behind this._

"Do you know it? Have you seen it before?" Kyon asked.

_I don't believe he can do something like this. _His question made the esper break into a nervous sweat. "Oh no I'm afraid not sorry."

_**He sounded so sure. **_

Yuki did her magic, taking the symbol off the woman's coat and cross referencing its history and the only thing that came up with it was a newspaper headline of yesterday:

_Major Uproar As Snowstorm Causes Airline Delays During Holidays, Thanks Prime Minister._

At first, you'd think that it was completely unrelated to the subject matter but when they looked closer at the photo taken they saw it in the background. The same symbol that was on the woman's coat, now was on crates. Those crates were being carried and loaded on a plane. The hangar was slightly open so they managed to see the plane's name.

"Flight HS26"

_**HS26. 26. **_Kyon repeated it over as he wrote it down on a piece of paper. Slowly and in pain, Kyon stood up. _**I have to go to the airport and find out where Flight HS26 is heading**_._** I'll give them some story that my friend is on that plane'**_

It looks like he does need to go because in a matter of seconds Yuki already found out.

_**Or maybe not. **_Kyon was impressed.

Suddenly the screen showed a 3d model of earth and the plane HS26 travelling halfway across the world to...

"Antarctica." Yuki said.

_**Great. As if it's not cold enough here. **_ "Well I guess we'll be heading to Antarctica then." Kyon said way too nonchalantly.

"No." Yuki replied, coldly. "You'll be on your own on this one."

_**What? **_

"I agree with Miss Nagato." Koizumi added. "Most of James Bonds mission were solo operations. It only makes sense for it to be the same with John Smith."

He could not believe what he was hearing. _**You've got to be kidding me. I mean who wrote this scenario. Was it you, Haruhi?**_

Kyon kept his cool, despite his club member's shockingly cold shoulder. "Guys I can barely move without my entire body aching. My arm should be in a cast. You two can't expect me two go there like_ this_ all by myself. Please I need you."

This was difficult for the esper to say. "I'm sorry Kyon but if you want thing to return to normal and to stabilize the time loop there is no other choice."

Obviously, it is not their fault; it's Haruhi's but since they were the only ones here that he could express his frustration . His back faced them. Kyon's right eye slightly was swollen from the crash. ."Fine. I can't believe how selfish you two are."

Koizumi placed a hand on his shoulder. "I wish there was another way. Honestly I do. What I can help you with is with those injuries. It is an medicinal herb used by espers after a day of holding off celestials in closed space. Of course there can be some side effects..."

"Side effects?"

"A high possibility of that, I am not one hundred percent certain. You are the first non esper who is about to use it. That is, if you are willing to risk it."

A better statement for that would be when isn't he risking it? Well. Kyon thought about it and came to an ultimatum. Getting an extra toe or an eye on the back can't be as bad as the pain he was having right now.

He had a feeling that he was going to regret it later but, "Do it."

"All righty then." Koizumi walked to a cupboard, rummaging through it until he got a small silver case. He opened it and got out a huge injection with a long needle on top. Kyon swallowed his fear.

"Close your eyes Kyon." He said. "This is going to hurt a bit."

And when he said it was going to hurt a bit.

He actually meant a _lot_.

* * *

_Author's Note= Fun fact about this; A lot of anime shows have their own version of McDonalds. Whether it is WicDonalds or just have them at a restaurant eating from boxes that has a yellow W sign on it. Haruhi Suzumiya is no different. Check out Season 1 Episode 3. Japan does have a McDonalds, but they can't add it in an anime or manga cuz …copyright._

_I'm happy to see that so many people like my story. I like it to. Even if you didn't I want to hear your thoughts because it matter's to me. Let me know what you think._

_Funny thing I always read it out load Kyon's monologue. I ask myself would he say it? And I imagine it being said in Crispin Freeman's voice. He did such a great job as Kyon and is one of my inspirations to pursue a career in voice acting.._

_See you in the next chapter!_

_All My Love,_

_The Officer and Gentleman._


	5. Chapter 5

"_Time is of the essence. We can't afford to waste it. Think of it this way ma'am. When Miss Suzumiya demanded a cat to talk, it was one task. The world like an advanced computer was more than willing to turn that one piece of data into a reality. However much like every other computer, it can only do so much at a time without there being…mishaps."_

An older woman with an English accent was over the other line. "I see. Continue..."

"_Whatever it is, I do not know. It is very much a mystery. However, I do believe that there is a major glitch within the time frame; there are those that should not even be here in this time line."_

She could only blink for a while. "What you are giving me is quite a lot young man. However, until you give us solid proof of this, other than you're intuition of course; there is not much I can do."

She left the esper between a rock and a hard place. The esper looked disappointed _"Fair enough."_

"Bloody bureaucracies what can I say? It's either follow the book or the prime minister will have my head on a silver platter. I am sure you understand"

"Oh, I suppose that Miss Suzumiya's chosen one is on his way to Antarctica."

"_Yes, he'll be landing in a hour or so."_

Flying first class in the agency's jet should be a dream for everyone. Not for Kyon though. He hated getting on planes ever since he was a kid. Take that fear and add it to his fear of his heights. It did not help that he was seated so close to a window where he could stare down at the snowy mountains that would go on forever.

Kyon sat one leg over the other, his finger tapping impatiently on the armchair. He was dressed in a tailor made suit, a dark charcoal grey suit that was complemented with a white poplin shirt and a light grey tie.

Kyon moved his wrist in circular motion, flexing his biceps. No pain or discomfort at all. His arm that got injured two days ago in that car crash had miraculously healed with that….whatever it actually was that Koizumi actually injected him with. It worked! It's as if that car accident never happened.

Suddenly a hand touched his shoulder. It was a beautiful flight attendant. Long blonde hair and an outfit that was a bit too small for her. Not that he's complaining of course.

She looked familiar. Maybe he saw her on television once perhaps? He can't put his finger on it though.

"Don't worry _Mr Smith."_ She teased, knowing very well who he really is. "We're almost there. In the meantime, do you want anything, water perhaps?"

"No thanks." He closed his eyes, leaning back. "I just want to get this over with."

"Oh, you poor thing." She said. She stood behind his chair, her hands on his shoulder as she started giving him a massage. "It must be tough for you."

_**Finally! Some that understands!**_

"It is."

"You know what?"

"Hmph?" Kyon had to fight to stay awake as she was really good with her hands.

"I'd just though I'd bring to your attention that I'm not just experienced as a flight attendant. If you need any other form of assistance," She got closer. Her lips were now on his neck. "And I mean_ any _assistance honey, then just let me know."

He was wide awake now. _**Wait? Is she being serious right now?**_

His uncertainties were answered when she walked aroundso she could stand in front of him. His face flushing red._** Damn Hormones!**_

She continued, "Anything for the man that can tame Haruhi Suzumiya. It might not look like it but we are eternally grateful. The Agency is in your debt."

_**Wait! **_Kyon came to a realization. This wrote itself, especially in James Bond movies. Though he does not like treating women this way, he finds it demeaning. His mother with her crazy work schedule was still able to tell him that this kind of thing should only be done after being married. But with all due respect his mother does not have to worry about the world exploding and a possibility of it being her last day.

_**Is this what Haruhi wants?**_

"So, tell me dear are you an alien, esper or a time traveller?"

"Honey I am whatever you want me to be."

The two went in for the kiss. Their lips were about to touch when the intercom went on announcing that it is about land.

"Aw, just when things were getting interesting." She pouted as she climbed off Kyon, and adjusted her jacket that was slightly skew.

Kyon sighed with relief. He had no idea whether he was saved or cursed from this not happening, probably both.

_**Why did they choose Antarctica of all places? I think that's a question that I should be asking for Haruhi but still. It'd be like announcing yourself to the world "Hey here I am!" At least, well I don't know, use a more populated location. That way it'd be more difficult to track them with so many people around. Even The Data Overmind with their advanced technology would have a hard time finding them.**_

_**Maybe, and I apologise for the tin foil hat theory, maybe they want someone to find it out and I'll be the one going straight into the hornets' nest. Hooray! That'd be fan-freaking-tastic. Sorry in this time the only thing that I have is my sarcasm. **_Lastly,Kyon wondered what was in those crates.

Once the jet landed Kyon put on coat and a scarf over his neck, jumping and landing on the white snow. He could see a penguin here and there. Though, they were far away, most likely startled due to the jet's turbulence.

A small outpost made in the middle of nowhere. He had no idea whether to be happy or freaked out, but at least the Agency is looking out for him…somewhat by building a cabin in such a short time.

He opened the door, a nice fireplace already set on fire for him. At the entrance, he was gifted with an ice bucket stand with Dom Pérignon 57 champagne. _**Did they even consider my age? It's the thought that counts. **_He was not going to drink it. However he was going to help himself out with those complementary chocolates it came with.

What could he say? Kyon could not say no to comfort food. After all_ You Only Live Twice._

He put the piece of creamy chocolate in his mouth as he looked around. A jazz like tune was playing in the background. First door on his left was the door to his bedroom, going straight forward would have taken you straight to the living room and kitchen. Second door on the right was the bathroom. The first one…

Kyon opened the door.

…Was the armoury.

With the amount of weapons that hanged on the wall, it was more than enough for a small army. Lightweight pistol Walter PPK, Smith and Wesson Magnum, a golden pistol from _The Man With The Golden Gun _P90 submachine gun, MP5 with a red optic sight, SPAZ 12 GAUGE, Pump Action Shotgun, World War 2 Mosin Nognant, 1945 Tommy Gun that had a round drum ammo drum cartridge, M16 Intervention Sniper Rifle, M4 with an under barrel grenade launcher and a Holographic sight, SCAR H- rifle that had a hand grip to improve its accuracy. An urban camouflaged Horton Scout HD125 crossbow, Ballpoint ink pens that were disguised as frag grenades, a shoe that had a hidden poisonous knife underneath and even a RPG! _**Could this all be the Agency's? Why would they need this? They have their own special powers **_

His watch was ringing.

"Koizumi, the hell are you doing with all this stuff? Are you trying to start a war?"

The esper shrugged, _"Well if it's what Miss Suzumiya wants then I am afraid we have no choice."_

_**If Haruhi told you to jump of a bridge, would you honestly do so? Well as long as I'm not part of that war.**_

"_This is all for you Kyon. Remember Haruhi chose you to as The Licence to Kill agent, John Smith."_

"Hate to break it to you but I'm not going to kill anyone, even if it's what she wishes."

"_At least try out the guns for yourself. There's a testing range set out-"_

"Koizumi, Koizumi, Koizumi there's a change of plans." _**Or in this case a script. **_"Since I'm here all by myself, we're doing things my way and that involves no killing."

"Kyon" For the first time, Kyon could detect annoyance in the espers voice "We have to do as according to Miss Suzumiya wishes if we ever want things to revert to normal. If that means you have to kill a few to save the world then so be it."

_**Playing hardball huh? Two could play at that game.**_

Kyon was happy that he was not here otherwise he'd knock _The Living Daylights_ out of the esper.

"Guess what buddy? The whole world can burn for all I care. In fact I'd rather watch it burn then to be responsible for another death and I don't care if Lovecraft wrote this"

Kyon held on to the table, having a hard time keeping his composure. "How old was he really? Did he have a family?"

"_Come again?"_

"When you saved me on Christmas Eve, there was someone I had to kill at that house. I had no choice it was me or him. Was the police able to identify him?"

"_Uh..Kyon. You're not crazy I saw the body too. The police however did not recover the body at all. The home owner filed in a report of breaking and entering that is it. Strange..."_

_**Whoever it is that's behind it could not risk having one of their men identified.**_

Koizumi felt a bit guilty. There's been a tremendous amount of stress on him by the organisation to fix this mess. It's not any easier for Kyon. In fact it might be even worse for him. _"I'm sorry for placing such tremendous pressure on you."_

In the end let's just say that it was not easy for anyone, anyone except Haruhi Suzumiya of course.

It was quickly water under the bridge. "Forget it. Are you and Miss Nagato still tracking Flight HS26?"

"_Yup, and let me say that the agency's jet travels absolutely fast! Flight HS26 is still in the air and will be for the next 12 hours."_

"_In the meantime there's a gift waiting for you in the bedroom. Just remember that is just an average day in James Bond's live. There is nothing wrong with having a few concubines at his side."_

_**What's that supposed to mean?**_

"_It's curtesy of the agency for all that you have contributed for the last year. One more thing, little Miss Suzumiya is very upset that you did not say goodbye to her, the thirteen year old Haruhi told me to tell you to bring her a gift during your stay in Antarctica but also said she still thinks you are an uninteresting human."_

_**That sounds like them all right.**_

"And the other one?" Kyon asked, obviously referring to the 17 year old Haruhi.

"_She never left her room. I could go check on her but I'm afraid she's still upset over the other day."_

_**He's worried of Haruhi while I'm here on a suicide mission**_.

"Just do it okay?"

"_Roger that 007. I'll call you in a few hours, once the plane has landed. Over."_

The transmission ended. Kyon put his watch off his wrist and on to the kitchen counter. He did not want to be bothered for the next 12 hours to his impending doom to fill a girl's desire to see him as a gun toting, psychopathic, well dressed, Don Juan.

Kyon opened the door to the bedroom. The present Koizumi was talking about was indeed laying on the bed. Her high heels were kicked off-don't tell Kyon that it's out but next to pony tails, he also liked feet. She fortunately, though many men in his positions would disagree with the term fortunately, still had her clothes on. The pilots cap was on her head and a rose was in her mouth.

It was hard to look away but then again you could not have blamed him. She was in many guys' dreams and received 20 love letters per day. Plus he was a healthy young man, he has needs. All of it does not take a mathematician wizard to figure out.

He leaned back on the doorframe, crossing his arms. "More than a flight attendant huh? I hope that a masseuse is on your resume because my back is killing me."

"Honey why don't climb on here?" Miki patted on the bed. "I'll give you the massage of a lifetime."

"What about some questions first?" _**What? Why are you looking at me like that? What's wrong with getting to know her first?**_

Once again, she pouted giving Kyon the best puppy dog eyes. "Aw, okay."

"You look familiar. Yeah, I think I saw you on television once. On one of my little sister's shows that she watches occasionally."

She smiled widely, "How sweet of you to notice. I'm actually an idol."

"Miki Hoshii." She closed one eye and showed a peace sign.

Oh _now_ he remembers. Yuki Nagato is one of the-If not the biggest fan of her. When he entered the SOS dan Brigade club, the alien would sit in a corner with that bunny ears headphone with a laptop on her lap. Hoshii's music would be playing loud.

_**Still though, an idol of all people being recruited? The agency has so many people watching Haruhi, it is scary. Who and how have they recruited is beyond me. Heck, for all I know it could be the mailman or the old lady at the park feeding the birds that could be part of it.**_

"You guys sure have a lot of recruits."

The idol would spill out something though it was completely unintentional as she did not think. "We are everywhere. We have eyes everywhere."

It was only when it was out that she realised what she said, covering her mouth _'Oh crap. I should not have said that.'_

"Everywhere? Should not all attention and man power go towards Haruhi? She is the reason you guys are here"

_**Unless…**_

She started panicking. The idol just opened a can of worms.

"Unless, Miss Hoshii, she is not the only with those powers. There is more than one! They are among us! They continue their average lifestyle without being aware who they are and what they are capable of, and that is where you people come in, The Agency disguises themselves as these people friends. When life gets to difficult and it leads to an over fluctuation of data and endangers everyone on earth then, you people are their shoulder to cry on."

_**So am I right or am I right?**_

_This is BAD! _Her superiors are going to kill her over this. She had to shut him up. She jumped off the bed, grabbing Kyon's tie as she leaned in for the kiss.

"MMHP" His words were muffled by her lips pressing against his. Slowly, his eyes closed, wrapping his arms around her thin figure.

This was the second kiss he got and Kyon did not know what to make of it. Don't get the wrong, it was great and all…but somehow it lacked the magic of the first kiss.

Frustrated Kyon deepened the kiss. _**Damnit Kyon. Get Haruhi out of your head. It's not as if the world revolves around her.**_

He lost his footing, as Miki that had her arms around his neck, dragged him down with her on the bed as the kissing resumed. He was on top.

Her hands cupped his cheeks. The touch somewhat lacked the surprisingly soft touch of the brigade leader's. Again, Haruhi Suzumiya entered his mind.

Kyon broke the kiss.

Her face was red. "What's wrong honey?"

He did not look at her. "It's nothing."

_**Damnit. Haruhi get out of my mind.**_

Obviously there was something wrong. Whatever it was, he did not want to talk about it. "Let me get your mind off it honey."

Their lips met again.

* * *

She wrapped her arms around him, laying her head on Kyon's chest, a sudden melancholic expression on her face all of a sudden. _**Did she regret doing this?**_

_**Well...this is certainly awkward. **_Kyon scratched the back of his head, not knowing exactly what to say. "Miss Hoshii is everything okay?"

"I'd be lying if I said yes." Her voice cracked at the end as if she wanted to cry.

"Well tell me about it." Kyon's fingers ran through her blonde hair.

"It is something I have to do." She stood up; taking the sheets that covered her form. Kyon looked on. _**She probably hates me now.**_

Suddenly, the generator went off, leaving Kyon in the darkness. _**Great.**_

He grabbed his bathrobe and quickly put it on. There was a small light at the end of the hallway. His bare feet on the wooden floor made a creaking sound with each step he took.

"Miss Hoshii?" Kyon's voice echoed throughout the cabin.

"…"

"…"

She did not reply.

_**She's upset. I hope it's not because we..you know. I need to go talk to her.**_

He reached the living room. There the idol stood at the window looking at a big snow storm.

"Hey I didn't upset you or anything. Did I?" Kyon asked.

"Of course not honey." She looked at him. This time she did not try fighting her feeling as tears were rolling down her cheeks. "It's just. You're making it way more difficult for me than it already is."

_**I'll never understand woman.**_

Kyon looked at her with a puzzled face.

"I'm sorry." She said all of a sudden.

_**Sorry about what?**_

She turned around so she could look at him face to face. In her hand was a 45 ACP pistol with a suppressor attached. The hand that held it was shaking uncontrollably

He raised his arms in the air. "No hold on a minute. Whatever it is, think it through first. Don't do anything irrational. I-"

She pulled the trigger.

Kyon fell to the ground clutching his arm. _**ARGHHH**_! _**She…shot me. I can't believe it.**_

"Please." Kyon begged his eyes feeling heavy. "Don't do this."

Miki pointed the gun to his head. Sweat drops started forming on Kyon's forehead as he stared down the silencer barrel of the gun.

Miki was crying even more now. Kyon came to a realization. _**She does not want to do this. Someone is forcing her to.**_

"I-I-I-I'm sorry Kyon. I have no choice."

"That's where you're wrong. You don't need to do this. I can see it in your eyes, you don't want to do this."

She started lowering her gun.

"Tell me who gave you the order to kill me. I'll talk to Koizumi; he'll place you in the organizations protective custody."

"T-T the Agency can't be trusted! They…They can't protect me!"

She raised her gun. He was in a situation similar to this with that Asakura girl. However, he was nowhere near as wounded as he was back then. Heck, this is merely a flesh wound.

_**I had to think of something-anything. Otherwise this is game over.**_

''Fine." He was running out of ideas, almost out of time. ", then I'll do it. I'll protect you."

"You?"

_**It sounds ridiculous. Yes, I know.**_

It was a moment of silence as she just looked at him, her crying stopped so he must have done something right. "You will protect me?"

"Yes, it might not look like it but I can pull some major strings at The Agency. They can't risk having something happen to me because of Haruhi Suzumiya. Stay with me and tell me everything. I can guarantee your safety. No one can get to you without going through me first and that is not going to happen. Not in a million years."

She turned the gun's safety to on as she dropped it. The idol fell on her knees. "I'm sorry Kyon.""

Kyon took a deep breath. _**Looks like I did it.**_

"It's okay." Kyon's crimson stained hand touched her shoulder, comforting her. "You did the right thing.''

He used her shoulder as support to stand up on his feet, feeling slightly dizzy. He took her chin, as he wanted to look at her in the eyes. Her green ember eyes met his hazel brown eyes. "I'm going to get Koizumi on the line, okay?"

A small smile appeared, "O-Okay."

In pain Kyon slowly made his way to the kitchen to get the watch. He thought of taking the gun with him but decided not to. Besides, if she was really wanted to kill him, he'd be dead already.

Miki's eyes widened. Completely Unaware to Kyon, there was a small red light on his back. The idol looked at the window. Outside was a shadow figure aiming with a high powered rifle.

"No!"

She stood up and ran to Kyon as fast as her legs could take her.

"Kyon watch out!"

She pushed him out of the way. However, now she was in the sniper's sight. The red laser was on the back of her head.

_**BANG!**_

Kyon fell down shoulder first on the ground. The sound of the gun shot rang through his ears. It was so load that he honestly felt that it could blow up his eardrums or worse cause an avalanche.

The ringing sound was still in his ears as his gaze went to Miki Hoshii who was laying face first motionless on the wooden floor.

"Miss Hoshii?!"

No reply came.

"Miss Hoshii!"

He crawled to her.

There was nothing Kyon could do for her. She's dead.

The Laser sight appeared through the broken window. Quickly, he scurried behind the pillar for cover. _**Wait. **_A second laser appeared through another window, followed by a third.

Meaning there was more than one guy outside trying to kill him.

"Я не могу поверить, что я пропустил. (I can't believe that I missed it.)"The Russian sniper said.

His friend spoke over the radio. "Тогда что же вы ждете тупица? Перейти туда и убить Джона Смита! (Then what are you waiting for stupid? Go in there and kill John Smith!)"

Kyon grabbed the silenced pistol.

He has no choice.

It was either him or them.

Kyon put the gun's safety to off.

* * *

_Author's Note= Love you all. Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think! _

_Miki Hoshii from IDOLMASTER belongs Tatsuyuki Nagai. I do not own her. I would also like to thank all of you who are reading or reviewing this. It makes me so freaking excited to see that someone took the time to read this. Makes me feel so fuzzy :3 _

_I'm sorry for those who are expecting updates from The Secret of Haruhi Suzumiya and Kyon, A Girl's Cage. They are currently on hiatus until this story is finished. _

_All My Love,_

_The Officer and Gentleman._


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